I do not subscribe to conspiracy theories in general, of which there are far too many around these days in my opinion. I think I would describe my default position as “non-conspiratorial, pragmatic thinking”, although having written those words they seem much more level-headed than I feel most of the time.
Perhaps conspiracy is too strong a word for what I want to share with you. But I’ll tell you what, when the stress caused by this phenomenon is upon me, it sure as hell feels like a conspiracy against me personally, and probably against a very large number of my generation.
So, here goes with my theory, with of course apologies in advance to any minorities or professional bodies which might feel hurt or insulted by my words.
I would like to talk about the graphic design profession in particular. As a textile designer myself, I have an inbuilt affinity with all branches of the creative arts, and with most of my fellow practitioners, so it does hurt me to voice criticism against any of them.
Most of us go through secondary school feeling bored and lost, and then hopefully some little mental spark occurs, far away from any career advisors, which gives us an inkling of what the hell we would like to do to occupy our time professionally, and how to, hopefully, get someone, somewhere, to pay us for doing it.
If this spark leads us to Design, and specifically Graphic Design, I think there is good reason to believe that one now has a drive towards a wonderful and creative vocation, which will allow one to express oneself artistically, at least in a limited way due to commercial necessity. As I once said to my weave students as a guest lecturer at Dublin Art College, there is a very clear dichotomy for a creative person, a big decision to be made. Follow the path of Fine Art, in which case you do what the hell you want, and hope some bugger buys it, or follow the path of Industrial Design (my case) in which you had damn well better design things which work, look good, and sell at a profit for your employer, or you’ll be out of a job.
So, now, armed with that lovely Bachelor of Arts degree, off we go into the wide world of professional success and bucket loads of dollars, smart suburban houses, and aspirational motor vehicles. All is well in the world, love beckons, one can hear the patter of little footsteps and the yapping of happy puppies.
There is only one little catch, as we all know. As actors are most keenly aware, there are starring roles and there are bit parts and walk-ons. Some people end up in little backwaters, making salaries which are a fraction of what is required to fund all of those “essentials” which feature on the latest version of the Hierarchy of Needs.
One of these backwaters for a graphic designer is undoubtedly in the designing of script for the backs of plastic containers of shampoo and conditioner. The star designers in this particular little field get to project images of gorgeous people on desert islands with jaw-breaking smiles, who look most of the time as if they are on the edge of orgasm. The poor folks who get the back ticket are left with a lot of mumbo-jumbo about contents and how wonderfully silky everything is going to be for the consumer if they slosh enough of this stuff over their head in the shower.
The best of the bunch will be promoted to the orgasmic side rapidly, but a good number will be left behind in the explanatory script department. A little residual resentment, not unlike the residue from a conditioner, is quite understandable.
The real problem is that these young graphic designers who are caught in the eddies of the shampoo script backwaters seem to share a very strong sentiment that their unhappy fate is the result of an unsatisfactory childhood and upbringing at the hands of their devil-may-care baby-boomer parents, and this is where it gets a little nasty.
As far as there may be a conspiracy involved in all of this, I think that, if one looked hard enough in the Dark Web, or whatever it’s called, one would discover a cabal of lonely, frustrated, underpaid, graphic designers living in cramped bedsits who have been assigned too long to the shampoo bottle back label script gig.
Unfortunately, they have decided to take their revenge where they can, by targeting their parents and, by definition, the whole of the baby-boomer generation, who now wear bi-focal glasses.
This is, quite honestly, the only conclusion I can come to after a considerable number of years of close analysis. By this, I mean close analysis of a constantly changing array of plastic containers in the bathrooms of my home, my friends’ and family’s homes, and the many hotels I have stayed in.
As a designer, the number one part of your remit is Function, the second part is Aesthetics. So how in God’s good name is it that the details of the silkiness and sexiness of the product are legible in the shower without glasses, but NOT the goddamn notations “Shampoo” or “Conditioner”???
I can only conclude that we are paying for the sins of not being better parents to the next generation. Guys, honestly, we did our best. Maybe the hedonistic 60’s and 70’s influence did lead us to focus more on ourselves than our own duty-bound, self-sacrificing parents did when we were children, in which case we humbly apologize, and look forward to analysing your own child-rearing aptitudes in hindsight, if you look after us well enough so we live that long…..
Skoal!!!
1 comment
Love the rant!